Thursday, 1 May 2008

Life's a bitch....

This is my mum, she had her hip operation yesterday, what should have been routine ended up with her being taken to the criticlal care ward.

I called the hospital at 4pm to see how she was, and all was fine, she was a bit drowsy, but she'd had a cup of tea. So I put the finishing touches to her birthday card and then got ready to go see her. When I got to the ward it was obvious something was going on, they wouldn't let anyone in. Then a nurse came out and said everyone would have to wait as they had an 'incident'. I didn't want to even think it was mum... then the nurse came back out, he asked for any relatives of my mum, I came forward, feeling sick.... the other visitors went in, while he sat me down... I really thought he was about to give me the dreadful news.... mum was bad, she was losing blood and her blood pressure was dropping, they couldn't stabilise her. There were lots of doctors coming and going, fortunately her consultant exercised his authority and told them to get her to the critical care unit ASAP. My brother was there, with his wife, doctor came to talk to us, it was grim... so I called my sister to tell her to come over (she lives in Wales). Finally at 11pm they let us see mum, she was awake, and fortunately making sense, but hooked up to all sorts of machines.

I just had a terrible sense of deja vu, seeing my dad the same way... I just hated seeing her like that, so helpless, and looking so frail. You wonder where the strong lady went, the mum who had all the answers, who would scoop you up and remove you from harms way, who would lie next to you till the nightmare went away. Who was there, waiting for you when you got home from school. You never expect it to change, that is how it will always be, they will always be strong, be wise, will know what to do... then life gets turned upside down. Tho my life keeps getting turned upside down, no sooner has our family got thru one crisis then the next seems to turn up... I remember her telling me after I'd just told her that my sister had breast cancer: Don't you get sick... I wanted to say the same thing to her. She doesn't deserve this, she has worked damn hard all of her life, forget the modern working mum, my mum worked - she had to. I don't know how she did it, juggled everything, her work, a bloody awful part time job, us 3 kids, my dad... then ending up in a sink hole estate (wasn't like that when we first went there, but it gradually was filled up with the druggies and the wastes of space. Finally she and my dad moved out, but she was so desperate she took the flat, had she just waited she could have had a nice house, with a little garden. She has helped me thru the worst times of my life, watched me make mistakes, how they hurt her, but she kept her silence, then when my world fell apart, she was there by my shoulder, no judgements, no 'I told you so' just a comforting hug and wise words. I know I am lucky to have such a mum, her Sil and Dil love her dearly, she has been a wise counsel to them on many occasions.

I wish life was fair, but it isn't. It angers the hell out me when I see the scum getting away with things, winning the lottery... when those who are really in need are left to struggle, and they do...

I also need to say a big thankyou to the fantastic staff at Fazackerly hospital... without their skill, dedication and unconditional care - my mum wouldn't be still with us.

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