Wobbly moments

The latest project, all the bits together just waiting to be put together.  I used the new flourish stamp on the frame with the cosmic shimmer powder.  Was wondering why it was taking an age to emboss when I realised I had the heat gun on low!   Then I dropped the darn thing, luckily it didn't break.  I picked up another 3 frames, larger ones which I think will work nicely with the new dies.  That was during my the shopping for the next decorating project.

Which is my bedroom.  Spotted in the local rag that one of the DIY stores had bargains on carpet tiles and paint, well too good an offer to refuse.  The tiles were half price, as was the paint, so job done for half the cost.  I went for powder blue, and a starry night blue carpet tile.  I wasn't much in the mood for looking around, I had a wobbly moment this morning.  I was up early,   6 a.m., having had a panic attack.  So put some washing on,  faffed around, then spotted mum's handbag which was waiting to be checked for stuff, so did that and bang, wobbly moment!   It was finding little notes,  then a pic of her and dad in her purse that did it.  Right at the bottom I found a tag, it said 'best friends', it must have come off a key ring I guess.   I put it on my own key ring,  but it all got too much and the tears came.  So I wasn't really in the mood for anything, but there was stuff to be done, more recycling,  and going to the DIY store, plus the supermarket shop.

I was watching a programme yesterday and a character said how hard it was losing a parent, that its effect on a grown up child is often underestimated, and that struck a chord with me.  Mums and dads just go on forever, don't they?   We sort of know that yes they will die, but we never really think about it or what it will mean.  We're grown ups after all, we have no use for parents,  well other than as advisors,  carers, as our mum or dad,  as the person who is always there for us, who helps pick up the pieces.   I knew mum was dying, but it doesn't take away the shock, or the huge sense of loss.  As a carer you have a unique role, part child, part parent and carer. There is no denying it is stressful,  not actually the caring bit, but rather sparing their feelings,  helping to maintain their independence,  trying not to be too pushy or too weak when it comes to encouragement.   Then one day it all stops,  there isn't even a period of notice.  

I would like to have a good nights sleep,  but I don't seem able to snap out of the pattern of waking up between 2 and 3 a.m.,  I go back to sleep, eventually but then I'm awake again between 5 and 6.  It is just becoming very tiring.  I'm not starting the decorating this weekend,  that can wait.  I'll just be pootling about,  might even manage a lie in?  

I wish you all a lovely weekend,  enjoy it whatever the weather.   Many thanks for stopping by.